Blog

Keep Calm, Andante On

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions Grief Families Relationships Anxiety Trauma Recovery Self Care

CommunityHealing #peace #findingcenter #DogIsLove #connection #SankofaUnboxedCoaching #SankofaCounselingMD

Posted: November 18, 2024

The term “Andante” is a musical tempo. An Andante is a moderately slow, gentle pace. If you listen to the beginning of Carl von Weber’s "Andante e Rondo" you can hear what I mean. Notice how it just keeps rolling on, with a lilt here and lilt there? That’s Andante. 14 years ago, a different kind of Andante came into my life in the form of floofy little rescued “accidental” Lhasapoo. Since my daughter and I are both musicians we wanted to give him a musical name. We decided on Andante, and called him Dante for short. He has always just kept rolling on with a little lilt step here and there. That’s our Dante...

Tune Up

By Tiffany Sankofa

Self Care Managing Emotions Trauma Recovery Anxiety

#Resilience #identity CommunityHealing #SankofaUnboxedCoaching #SankofaCounselingMD

Posted: November 13, 2024

Not so long ago, we were all forced into a relationship that took precedence over many of our human relationships, including our relationship with ourselves. This relationship demanded the energy that belonged to other relationships, much like an affair. We all had a kind of forced affair with a pandemic. Just like we do in long term relationships with humans, we made compromises in order to do it well. We let go of things we like to do, the way we dress and spend our leisure time; The things that define and distinguish us. Now that we have broken up with the pandemic, (hopefully for good,) it’s time to reassess the things we’ve given up.

No Matter What (2024)

By Tiffany Sankofa

Anxiety Managing Emotions Self Care

#Resilience #Resiliency CommunityHealing #SankofaUnboxedCoaching #SankofaCounselingMD

Posted: November 4, 2024

Feeling stressed about the outcome of the 2024 election? What if you could be ok NO MATTER WHAT?

Givers, Takers, Transactionalists and Unspoken Rules

By Tiffany Sankofa

Relationships Families Holidays Managing Emotions Parenting Self Care Trauma Recovery

#Takers CommunityHealing #Resilience #relationships #connection #SankofaUnboxedCoaching #SankofaCounselingMD

Posted: November 1, 2024

Have you ever thought you had one kind of relationship with someone only to feel burned as you discover they had a totally different understanding of what you were to each other? Let's get up under some of those disconnects and offer a different way forward.

Story Time: The Anglerfish and the Squid

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions Anxiety Self Care

#StoryAndIdentity #TellingOurStories #allmyrelations #ᏣᎳᎩstyle #theᎥᎥ #SankofaUnboxedCoaching #SankofaCounselingMD

Posted: October 8, 2024

Here’s the second story in the Story Time series, “The Anglerfish and the Squid.” I’ll meet you in the ocean!

Story Time, Introduction

By Tiffany Sankofa

Self Care Managing Emotions

#StoryAndIdentity #TellingOurStories #community #connection #HealingThroughStory #Resiliency #SankofaUnboxedCoaching #SankofaCounselingMD

Posted: September 25, 2024

"The stories we tell literally make the world. If you want to change the world, you need to change your story. This truth applies both to individuals and institutions.” (Michael Margolis) In the recent “Tell Me a Story” blog series , I mentioned that storytelling...

Healing v. Cure

By Tiffany Sankofa

Relationships Families Managing Emotions Self Care Trauma Recovery

#relationships #connection #community #OrganicLiving #SankofaUnboxedCoaching #SankofaCounselingMD

Posted: September 17, 2024

“We are cured when we no longer have disease. We are healed when we are restored to community.” (Dr. Lewis Mehl-Madrona ) Cured? Most religious faiths have some sort of tradition around asking their understanding of the Divine to heal people of this or that...

Dear S.E.R... (So Sorry)

By Tiffany Sankofa

Families Managing Emotions Parenting Relationships Self Care

Posted: September 12, 2024

Apologies carry the seeds of intimacy. Depending on how we handle them, we can either flourish or destroy that seed. Click here to find out more!

Tell Me a Story, Part 3

By Tiffany Sankofa

Relationships Families Trauma Recovery Self Care Managing Emotions

#StoryAndIdentity #TellingOurStories #StoriesWeTellOurselves #ThePowerofStory #HealingThroughStory CommunityHealing

Posted: September 4, 2024

Psychiatrist, Neurologist and Lakota-Cherokee descendent, Lewis Mehl-Madrona, defines “healing” (as opposed to “cure,”) as being reconciled to community and to self. Storytelling in both Lakota and Cherokee traditions does exactly that. Stories remind us of what is true, support that healthy story of who we are, and remind us that we belong to something greater than just ourselves...

Tell Me a Story, Part 2

By Tiffany Sankofa

Self Care Managing Emotions Relationships

#StoryAndIdentity #TellingOurStories #SankofaCounselingMD #SankofaUnboxedCoaching #StoriesWeTellOurselves #ThePowerofStory

Posted: August 27, 2024

“He allowed himself to be swayed by his conviction that human beings are not born once and for all on the day their mothers give birth to them, but that life obliges them over and over again to give birth to themselves.” (From Love in...

Tell Me a Story, Part 1

By Tiffany Sankofa

Self Care Managing Emotions Relationships

#ThePowerofStory #TellingOurStories #StoriesWeTellOurselves #StoryAndIdentity #SankofaUnboxedCoaching #SankofaCounselingMD

Posted: August 22, 2024

“There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.” (Maya Angelou) The Power of Story When we as human beings listen to stories, the neurons in our brains light up in a complicated and unique way . We tend to do what...

Chocolate Chip Cookies & Resilience

By Tiffany Sankofa

Self Care Managing Emotions Trauma Recovery Anxiety

#Resilience #Resiliency #BeautyFromAshes #Innovation #OrganicLiving #Chocolate

Posted: August 15, 2024

“To questions of life, chocolate gives an answer articulated in many chunks and flakes.” (Fabrizio Caramagna) Do you like chocolate chip cookies? Scotch tape? Do you like listening to music in your car? From the Ashes Toll House Cookies and their chocolate chips were invented...

Truth AND Consequences

By Tiffany Sankofa

Self Care Managing Emotions Relationships

#Truth&Consequences #Living&Learning #ResultsBasedData #SankofaUnboxedCoaching #SankofaCounselingMD

Posted: August 6, 2024

“We can ignore the consequences of gravity, but remember, the consequences of gravity will not ignore us.” (Anonymous) The Anti-Hangover There's a new product on the market I keep hearing about on the radio. I won’t name it here because I don’t have the bandwidth...

Trauma & Identity

By Tiffany Sankofa

Trauma Recovery Managing Emotions Grief Self Care

Posted: July 30, 2024

“Trauma is a fact of life. It does not, however, have to be a life sentence.” (Peter Levine) Trauma Steals Imagination ME: Do you feel like drawing today? KID: Ok. ME: What do you want to draw? KID: I dunno. What should I draw? ME:...

This Blog is NOT for You! (Part 3)

By Tiffany Sankofa

Self Care Managing Emotions

#WhyTherapy #WhatIsTherapy #WhatIsntTherapy #HumanHealing #WhyTherapy #SankofaUnboxedCoaching #SankofaCounselingMD

Posted: July 22, 2024

“The first thing you should know about me is that I’m not you. A lot more will make sense after that.” (From a meme spotted on social media) From the Preamble of the American Counseling Association’s Code of Ethics: Professional values are an important way...

In Tribute to Dr. Bernice Johnson Reagon

By Tiffany Sankofa

Relationships Self Care Uncategorized Grief

Posted: July 18, 2024

“I was here before I came and after I go, I will still be here.” (Dr. Bernice Johnson Reagon, October 4, 1942 - July 16, 2024. Activist, cultural historian, artist.) I was a young teenager the first time I heard Sweet Honey in the Rock...

This Blog is NOT for You! (Part 2)

By Tiffany Sankofa

Self Care Managing Emotions

Posted: July 15, 2024

“If Freud saw my therapy practice? He’d need a therapist.” (Anonymous) A Well-Reasoned Decision To clarify, this is part two of a three-part series designed to help people candidly consider whether therapy might be useful for them at this time. If this is a decision...

This Blog is NOT for You! (Part 1)

By Tiffany Sankofa

Self Care Managing Emotions

Posted: July 9, 2024

“Steve” By Tiffany Sankofa pieces of my soul scattered weekly on your couch; You hand them back to me, one at a time, helping me decide what stays, where it goes, what i release, and what never belonged to begin with. This Isn’t For You...

Reimagining Discontent

By Tiffany Sankofa

Posted: June 19, 2024

“Discontent breeds lifelong change.” (Sarah Ban Breathnach) Not So Much Midlife, Not So Much Crisis “I think I’m having a Midlife Crisis!” I can’t begin to tell you how many times I’ve heard clients speak those words since I first started in clinical practice in...

Finding Henry

By Tiffany Sankofa

Posted: June 13, 2024

"What we do for ourselves dies with us. What we do for others and the world remains and is immortal." (Albert Pine) The Power of a Name I talk and write about “Life Mission” a lot. Enough to annoy people. I’m not going to apologize....

Bodyism Part Three

By Tiffany Sankofa

Posted: June 4, 2024

Unboxing Bodyism, Part Three “God help you if you are a phoenix And you dare to rise up from the ash A thousand eyes will smolder with jealousy While you are just flying past, “So squint your eyes and look a bit closer I'm not...

How to Care Less

By Tiffany Sankofa

Posted: June 4, 2024

“I was always looking outside myself for strength and confidence, but it was within. It is there all the time.” (Anna Freud) Judgment Have you ever made a decision that wasn’t in your best interests, out of fear of being judged by others? Most of...

Unboxing Bodyism, Part Two

By Tiffany Sankofa

Relationships Self Care Trauma Recovery

Posted: April 11, 2024

“ I'll never try to give my life meaning By demeaning you But let me just say for the record I did everything that I could do I'm not saying that I am a saint I just don't want to live that way I will...

Unboxing Bodyism, Part One

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions Relationships Self Care Trauma Recovery

Posted: April 3, 2024

“God help you if you are a big girl, But too skinny is also your doom, Cuz everyone harbors a secret hatred, For the skinniest girl in the room; “So squint your eyes and look a bit closer I'm not between you and your ambition,...

‘Splain ‘Splaining

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions Relationships Self Care

Posted: March 26, 2024

“In a world obsessed with status, let our compassion and empathy define us.” ( Henry Johnson Jr.) All the Splains Mansplaining . Whitesplaining . Straightsplaining . Thinsplaining . ‘Splaining ‘splaining ‘splaining. Our culture appears to be obsessed with positional jousting. We are drowning in hierarchical...

Goal Achievement and the Power of Now

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions Self Care

Posted: March 20, 2024

“Forever is composed of ‘nows.’” (Emily Dickinson) As mentioned previously, I am working on a course designed to help people achieve their goals based on how human beings actually think and act, in contrast to how we seem to think we act. We seem to...

Contempt, Connection, Curiosity and Clarity

By Tiffany Sankofa

Relationships Self Care

#community #connection #relationships #TheXYZ

Posted: March 4, 2024

“Even the invisible leave footprints.” (Wayne Gerard Trotman) Using Discontent Well Dr.’s John Gottman and Judy Schwartz Gottman, (co-founders of the Gottman Institute,) can predict whether couples will divorce with 94% accuracy. The number one factor that determines this outcome? Contempt. I’ve found over the...

Hunting Fear

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions Self Care

Posted: February 21, 2024

“Don’t be afraid of your fears. They’re not there to scare you. They’re there to let you know that something is worth it.” (C. JoyBell C.) A Message from “the Gods” In my reading the other day, I stumbled onto a short piece about the...

Hope from Knowledge

By Tiffany Sankofa

Self Care Trauma Recovery

Posted: February 13, 2024

“Hope begins in the dark, the stubborn hope that if you just show up and try to do the right thing, the dawn will come. You wait and watch and work: you don't give up.” ( Anne Lamott) A Room with a Desk When I...

Beading and Un-Beading Relationships

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions Relationships Self Care

Posted: February 8, 2024

“Assumptions are the termites of relationships.” (Henry Winkler) Simple, But Not Easy As mentioned in this space previously, I’ve been doing some beading lately. I love how easy it is to make something beautiful with beads. The patterns look so complicated. It’s an illusion. Beading...

Lessons from a Moonshiner

By Tiffany Sankofa

Posted: January 29, 2024

“She’s ketchable, but not fetchable.” (The last law enforcement officer to try to arrest moonshiner Mahala Mullins) Talking to Dead People After my mother passed away in 2014 and I started learning more about our hidden family origins, I became a lot more comfortable talking...

Trading Snow Globes

By Tiffany Sankofa

Relationships Self Care

Posted: January 23, 2024

“Good communication is the bridge between confusion and clarity.” (Nat Turner) Zillennial Gifts I completed the educational part of my counselor training in 1999. The landscape of mental health looked notably different at that time. My daughter’s micro-generation, the “Zillennials” , had just been born....

Balancing Acts

By Tiffany Sankofa

Holidays Managing Emotions Self Care

Posted: January 16, 2024

“If you never go out on the branch, you’re never going to get the best fruit.” (Sarah Parish) New Year, New Word While I don’t do New Year’s Resolutions, ( see why here ,) I do pick a word for each year. This word is...

Lessons From a Flag

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions Self Care

Posted: January 11, 2024

Humans are pattern-seeking story-telling animals, and we are quite adept at telling stories about patterns, whether they exist or not.” (Michael Shermer) Weird Maryland As a child growing up in Maryland, I remember thinking that the Maryland state flag was really weird looking. It seemed...

Beating the Blerg

By Tiffany Sankofa

Holidays Managing Emotions Self Care

Posted: January 2, 2024

“You can’t wake a person who is pretending to be asleep.” (Navajo Proverb) I’ve been hearing and reading an awful lot of people lately expressing surprise over how messed up things seem to be right now. Costs are going up, customer service has become a...

Why Settle for New Year’s Resolutions?

By Tiffany Sankofa

Holidays Managing Emotions Self Care

Posted: December 27, 2023

“Every great dream begins with a dreamer. Always remember, you have within you the strength, the patience, and the passion to reach for the stars and change the world.” (Harriet Tubman) We Can Do Better I’m grateful that a lot of people have abandoned the...

Holidays, Light and Dark

By Tiffany Sankofa

Holidays Managing Emotions Relationships Self Care

Posted: December 19, 2023

“Santa had the right idea: Visit people once a year.” (Victor Borge) Holiday Lights December is a month filled with holidays of all kinds. Some are religiously oriented, some culturally oriented, and some exist just because we want some fun! I’ve noticed that a whole...

Healing Relationships Step Seven: Repair

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions Relationships Self Care

Posted: December 13, 2023

“ We must use money to heal where people are hurting and to stop more hurt from happening.” (From “ Seven Steps to Healing” by Edgar Villanueva in Decolonizing Wealth: Indigenous Wisdom to Heal Divides, second edition, copyright 2021, Berrett-Koehler Publishers, Inc, Oakland, CA )...

Healing, Step Six: Invest

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions Relationships Self Care

Posted: December 7, 2023

“We need to put all our money where our values are.” (From “ Seven Steps to Healing” by Edgar Villanueva in Decolonizing Wealth: Indigenous Wisdom to Heal Divides, second edition, copyright 2021, Berrett-Koehler Publishers, Inc, Oakland, CA ) How Much Can You Invest? Bearing in...

Healing Step Five - Represent

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions Relationships Self Care

Posted: December 4, 2023

“We must build whole new decision-making tables, rather than setting token places at the colonial tables as an afterthought.” (From “ Seven Steps to Healing” by Edgar Villanueva in Decolonizing Wealth: Indigenous Wisdom to Heal Divides, second edition, copyright 2021, Berrett-Koehler Publishers, Inc, Oakland, CA...

Healing, Step Four: Relate

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions Relationships Self Care

Posted: November 22, 2023

“We need space to share our whole selves with each other and understand we don’t have to agree in order to respect each other.” (From “ Seven Steps to Healing” by Edgar Villanueva in Decolonizing Wealth: Indigenous Wisdom to Heal Divides, second edition, copyright 2021,...

Healing, Step Three - Listen

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions Relationships Self Care

Posted: November 16, 2023

“We must acknowledge the wisdom of those excluded from and exploited by the system, who possess exactly the perspective and wisdom needed to fix it.” (From “ Seven Steps to Healing” by Edgar Villanueva in Decolonizing Wealth: Indigenous Wisdom to Heal Divides, 2nd edition, ©...

Healing, Step Two: Apologize

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions Relationships Self Care Trauma Recovery

Posted: November 7, 2023

“We must apologize for the hurts we’ve caused.” (From “ Seven Steps to Healing” by Edgar Villanueva in Decolonizing Wealth: Indigenous Wisdom to Heal Divides, second edition, copyright 2021, Berrett-Koehler Publishers, Inc, Oakland, CA ) Today we look at step two of Edgar Villanueva’s “Seven...

Healing, Step One: Grieve

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions Relationships Self Care Trauma Recovery

Posted: October 31, 2023

“We have to stop and feel the hurts we’ve endured.” (From “ Seven Steps to Healing” by Edgar Villanueva in Decolonizing Wealth: Indigenous Wisdom to Heal Divides, second edition, copyright 2021, Berrett-Koehler Publishers, Inc, Oakland, CA ) As promised, this blog is the first installment...

The Power of Play

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions Self Care

Posted: October 3, 2023

“Play is the mediator of the visible and the invisible.” (Dora M. Kalff, Jungian Psychologist) Finding Fun Those of you who listen to my blogs on SoundCloud know that I end each recorded blog by saying, “Take care of yourself, care well for others, and...

Sacredness and Justice

By Tiffany Sankofa

Relationships Self Care

Posted: September 26, 2023

“When we don’t know who we are, we act like someone else.” (Tiffany Sankofa) Recap In last week’s blog I mentioned that we humanfolk tend to get caught up in striving for importance . I stated that we are all sacred regardless of our performance....

Are You Important?

By Tiffany Sankofa

Relationships Self Care

Posted: September 19, 2023

“There are no un-sacred places; There are no un-sacred people. There’s only **sacredness And our inability to understand it.” (Anonymous) ** Not Religious (Please let me start by clarifying that I’m not talking about religion. When I write about “sacredness,” I’m referring to the intrinsic...

Giving & Overgiving (Thanks, Uncle Shelby)

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions Relationships Self Care

Posted: September 11, 2023

“ Without lines, spaces have no definition.” (Anonymous) The Giving Tree by Shel Silverstein arrived on the earth two years before I did. It was a popular book to read to young people as I was growing up. My memory of those readings is dusty...

Sandy Thoughts

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions Self Care

Posted: September 5, 2023

"In every curving beach, in every grain of sand, there is a story of the Earth." (Rachel Carson) Stubborn Stuff Ever notice how sand finds ways to carry itself home from the beach with you? You might find yourself puzzling over sand in your dryer...

AIDing and Abetting: Self value

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions Relationships Self Care

Posted: August 28, 2023

“Never try to teach a pig to sing; it wastes your time and annoys the pig.” (Robert Heinlein) You’re Not Listening! One of the more common wounds we human folk tend to carry into adulthood wraps around not feeling valued or heard. It can leave...

An Open Letter to the Not Good Enough Child

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions Self Care Trauma Recovery

Posted: August 14, 2023

One of the most common repeated themes I’ve come across in a quarter century as a therapist is the childhood-instilled belief that we are Not Good Enough. In the limited scope of a child’s experience, the child assumes that the “big nostril people” know more...

What About the Rest of Us?

By Tiffany Sankofa

Posted: June 20, 2023

“Since we live in the heads of those who remember us, we lose control of our lives and become who they want us to be.” ― David M. Eagleman Record Scratch I got tired of beating my head against the Canva program to produce my...

Daydreams, Hope, Change and Success

By Tiffany Sankofa

Relationships Self Care

Posted: June 5, 2023

“Hope begins in the dark, the stubborn hope that if you just show up and try to do the right thing, the dawn will come. You wait and watch and work: you don't give up.” (Anne Lamott) The Dark I have always been a daydreamer....

Goals, and the Assumptions that Unravel Them

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions Self Care

Posted: May 30, 2023

“Don’t fear mistakes.There are none.” (Miles Davis) What We Tell Ourselves Does this sound familiar? “I really want to ____>fill in the blank with the change point of your choice.< I’m sick and tired of _____ >the opposite behavior and choice< This time I’m really...

As Generation X Undrowns

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions Parenting Self Care

Posted: May 3, 2023

“Each generation must discover its mission, fulfill or betray it, in relative opacity.” (Frantz Fanon) Coming of Age My clients and those who follow me digitally range in generational identity from The Silent Generation down to Generation Alpha. Personally, I am an early Gen X....

Yes, You DO Measure Up!

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions Self Care

Posted: April 21, 2023

"I don't measure myself by others' expectations or let others define my worth." (Supreme Court Justice, Sonia Sotomayor) Numbers Numbers Numbers The temperature numbers are going up and clothes are getting thinner. This time of year puts a whole lot of people face to face...

Our National Narcissism

By Tiffany Sankofa

Relationships Self Care

Posted: March 6, 2023

Absolute power corrupts absolutely. Genuine empowerment is threatened by nothing. Narcissism, Toddlers and Adolescents In last week’s blog , I wrote about narcissism as a developmental arrest in the ego-development stage of life. But what if an entire culture functioned like a Narcissist? What if...

Narcissism: Peeking Behind the Curtain

By Tiffany Sankofa

Relationships Relationships 101 Self Care

Posted: March 1, 2023

“A fragile ego is too consumed with survival to celebrate others.” Read With Caution I noticed the other day that I don’t often talk about narcissism in this space. It comes up often in counseling, but unlike most frequent flyers, I don’t usually blog about...

Love and Lurve: My Funky Valentine

By Tiffany Sankofa

Relationships Self Care

Posted: January 31, 2023

Is It Love? Or Luuuuuuuurrrrrvvveee? Please take a moment and consider these actual song lyrics. (If you aren’t familiar and want to hear the songs, there is a hyperlink for each, which also includes song credits.) “You are everything/ and everything is you….” “Can’t live/...

Sustainability and Specialness

By Tiffany Sankofa

Posted: January 5, 2023

When asked how much money enough, early billionaire John D. Rockefeller is said to have replied, “Just a little bit more.” Out of Balance At the end of 2022, I did a series of blogs called Against the Grain . In it, I stated that...

Music Therapy, For A Change! (An Interview with Jazmyne Craig, LPMT, MT-BC)

By Tiffany Sankofa

Holidays Self Care

Posted: December 27, 2022

Last week I gave you an exercise using music to help you make better informed choices about your intentions for the coming year. This week, Music Therapist, Jazmyne Craig, LPMT, MT-BC, will tell us more about how all of that works, and how Music Therapy...

Musical Identity: A New Year's Challenge

By Tiffany Sankofa

Holidays Self Care

Posted: December 27, 2022

“When we don’t know who we are, we act like someone else.” (Tiffany Sankofa) It’s Social Media’s Fault I was trying to wake up this morning and started scrolling social media. Someone close to my age had a 1980’s “mixtape” challenge, ( youngheads click here...

Against the Grain Part 4: Disordered Gut Brains

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions Self Care

Posted: December 12, 2022

“Expectations are …” (Yah, you know the drill by now. Thanks, Anne LaMott!) The Grains, the Fruits, the Critters… In the previous blogs in this series, we covered the way our culture has us going against the grain with seasons, with time, and with sleep....

Against the Grain, Part 3: Sleep Deprivation

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions Self Care

Posted: December 6, 2022

“Expectations are (YUP… STILL) resentments waiting to happen.” (Yup… still Anne Lamott) Time Doesn’t Fit in Bottles In last week’s blog Against the Grain Part 2 , we covered how going against the grain of our seasons can foster Seasonal Affective Disorder. This week let’s...

Against the Grain Part 2: Seasonal Affective Disorder

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions Self Care

Posted: November 30, 2022

“Expectations are (still) resentments waiting to happen.” (Still Anne Lamott ) Remember Myrtle? Remember our friend the crepe myrtle from last week’s blog ? She has some important seasonal wisdom for us. If we go into Autumn expecting to have the same energy and outlook...

Against the Grain Part 1: Introduction

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions Self Care

Posted: November 30, 2022

“Expectations are resentments waiting to happen.” (Anne Lamott) Follow the Trees Imagine for a moment that you have never seen a crepe myrtle. (See this link if you really haven’t, or if you’re unsure.) Someone tells you that crepe myrtles are these beautiful, graceful, low...

The Grinch That Didn’t Steal Thanksgiving

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions Relationships 101 Self Care

Posted: November 22, 2022

The Grinch That Didn’t Steal Thanksgiving “We are all one child spinning through Mother Sky.” (Shawnee Saying) Full Disclosure: I Am the Thanksgiving Grinch I offer you 8 points of evidence: I hate turkey. (The bird – I have nothing against the country that sits...

Empaths as Truth Telling Trouble Makers

By Tiffany Sankofa

Relationships Self Care

Posted: November 16, 2022

“Don’t try to comprehend with your minds; Minds are very limited. Use your intuition.” (Madeleine L’Engle in A Wind at the Door ) “Identified Client” In therapy, the “Identified Client” is most often the person in a family system that was dragged or pushed into...

Thermometers and Fevers: Reconsidering “Mental Illness”

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions Self Care

Posted: November 9, 2022

“We’re all ‘crazy.’ ‘Sane’ just means you figured out how to make your particular crazy work for you and not against you, at least most of the time.” (Robert Davenport, one of my grad school mentors) All Things in a Circle As mentioned in this...

The Transformational Power of Life Mission

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions Self Care Trauma Recovery

Posted: November 2, 2022

“If we aim at nothing, we are sure to hit it.” No More Therapists I got some interesting feedback when I ended a blog the other week with the idea that increased community empathy would likely lead to a greatly reduced need for therapists, and...

Ice Cream, Survival and Beyond

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions Self Care

Posted: October 24, 2022

“Life is like an ice cream cone; You hafta lick it one day at a time.” (Charles Schultz as Charlie Brown) The Story in Our Heads I was having a conversation the other day with someone who is hard-struggling financially. We were talking about creative...

Community Empathy, &@>#, It!

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions Relationships Self Care

Posted: October 20, 2022

“A candle loses nothing by lighting another candle.” (James Keller) Two weeks ago, I wrote about Individual Empathy and how to use it well without burning out. Last week I covered Collective Empathy . This week, let’s broaden that circle one more time and consider...

Gifts from the Ancestors: Collective Empathy

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions Relationships Self Care

Posted: October 14, 2022

“All Creation is one. What we do to one, we do to the entire web of Life.” (Chief Seattle, of the Suquamish and Duwamish) Collective Empathy Last week I wrote about empathy on the individual level . This week we will look at the collective...

I Feel You

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions Self Care

Posted: October 5, 2022

“Never turn a single drowning into a double drowning.” (First Rule of Lifeguarding) Mirroring As infants, we lack the neural circuitry to regulate emotions for ourselves. We rely on the adults who care for us to scoop us up when we are in distress so...

Congratulations! You Haven't Arrived!

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions Self Care

Posted: September 29, 2022

“Life is a journey/ Not a destination/ There are no mistakes/ Just chances we've taken/ Lay down your regrets/ ‘cause all we have is now.” (India.Arie) Great Ideas Many of my fellow ADHD tribe members know what it’s like to be driving, or in a...

The Head Bone’s Connected to the …Gut Bone?

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions Self Care

Posted: September 14, 2022

“There’s a voice that doesn’t use words.” (Anonymous) Cranial Hierarchy Traditionally, we have a strong bias against emotional and intuitive logic in the US. “Don’t trust your feelings,” is a phrase that I’ve heard more times than I can count. Many like to believe that...

Seeing What We See

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions Self Care Trauma Recovery

Posted: September 8, 2022

“Trust yourself; You know more than you think you do.” (Anonymous) Seeing and Not Seeing As I mentioned in my last blog, ( “Why We Vacate” ) I recently spent some time at a very special cabin in the woods, ( Moonridge Cabin .) One...

Why We Vacate

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions Relationships Self Care

Posted: September 1, 2022

“Sit in reverie and watch the changing color of the waves that break upon the idle seashore of the mind.” (Henry Wadsworth Longfellow) As I mentioned in the People Are Not Mushrooms blog, we human folk rely on patterns to stay alive. As I also...

The World Underneath

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions Self Care

Posted: August 18, 2022

“We co-create our reality with others in unseen ways.” (Doug Dillon) Mountainous Perspective I’m a fan of mountains. I don’t love them quite as much as I love the ocean, but they do take my breath away. I’m told that I have not even seen...

Goodbye/Hello

By Tiffany Sankofa

Grief Managing Emotions Relationships Self Care

Posted: August 11, 2022

“I don’t know why you say goodbye/ I say hello.” (Paul McCartney) Each Goodbye is Hello When we graduate from a school it’s called a “commencement.” By definition a “commencement” is a beginning. I don’t know about you, but when I go to a “commencement”...

Miracle On Ice: Whose Rules Rule You?

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions Self Care

Posted: July 27, 2022

“How do you get a ‘bikini body?’ You get a bikini. And put it on your body.” The People in Our Heads We all have “people in our heads.” Some like to call this self-talk, our inner children, the mean parents within; They are pieces...

When Productive Looks Like “Lazy” (By Guest Blogger, Jenny Lane)

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions Self Care

Posted: July 13, 2022

“Grace” is that thing that happens when we don’t expect ourselves or others to be anything but our stumbling, bumbling human selves, all full of mess and magic, doing the best we can as we learn forward. Lazy? Sometimes I'm only motivated enough to admit...

Growing Up the USA: From Reactive to Responsive

By Tiffany Sankofa

Holidays Managing Emotions Self Care Trauma Recovery

Posted: June 29, 2022

Being reactive and screaming might feel cathartic in the moment, but sustainable change is born out of centered responsiveness. Inde-WHAT-ence Day? It’s interesting to me that we are about to celebrate another “Independence Day,” right on the heels of a Supreme Court decision that goes...

Are We Done With Middle School Yet?

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions Relationships Self Care

Posted: June 22, 2022

“Adolescence is just one big walking pimple.” (Carol Burnett) Woohoo Middle School. Friend, what was your middle school, (or if you’re old like me, “Jr. High School”) experience like? Have you ever asked someone that and had them say, “Oh it was great! I loved...

Practicing Wild Kindness (in the midst of turmoil)

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions Relationships Self Care Trauma Recovery

Posted: June 1, 2022

I have a cousin who is a school-based Social Worker and Peaceful Parenting Coach, (>shameless plug< ** Confluence Parenting, LLC.) He’s married to a dedicated, creative, tenacious public school Math teacher. They are also parents to two totally awesome young boys. As hard as the...

The Santa Cages

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions Relationships Self Care

Posted: May 19, 2022

“Would it surprise you to hear that a man’s unhappiness is due in large measure to the way he is seeking after happiness?” (from The Seven Paths pub. by the Anasazi Foundation) I recently read, (ok, listened to,) the Kent Nerburn book, Neither Wolf, Nor...

Lessons From My Mother: Sitting at the weird kids’ table

By Tiffany Sankofa

Holidays Managing Emotions Relationships Self Care

Posted: May 5, 2022

“Mothers are the Mt. Everest of Relationships.” (Tiffany Sankofa) Not That Kind of Blog So, before you go assuming that I had some wonderful relationship with my mother, we were best friends, blah blah blah… Please know this isn’t that kind of post. Neither is...

Who's Driving Your Bus?

By Tiffany Sankofa

Relationships Self Care

Posted: April 27, 2022

Who’s Driving Your Bus? “ Fight for the things you care about, but do it in a way that leads others to join you.” (Ruth Bader Ginsberg) Déjà Vu All Over Again Why do we deteriorate in conflict with people that really matter to us?...

Night Vision

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions Self Care

Posted: April 6, 2022

“Listening is a lost art that can be gracefully recovered in silence and solitude.” (Robert J. Wicks) Balance I usually pick a word to focus on each year. My word for 2022 is “balance.” I used to think of opposites as being at odds with...

Ain’t No Peaches on That Tree

By Tiffany Sankofa

Relationships Self Care

Posted: March 30, 2022

As you might have guessed from the title, I’m going to give you another “About Last Thursday Tale” this week. (See last week’s blog for an explanation.) I want to mention that when I write these stories, I have to write them in the voicing...

Heart Trouble

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions Self Care

Posted: March 25, 2022

“Give me knowledge that I might have compassion for all.” (Anonymous) An Un-Blog After spending several days going around in circles in my head over what to write this week, I’m going to take a different approach. As some of you know, I serve as...

Smile, Dog Loves You

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions Relationships Self Care

Posted: March 16, 2022

** For those of you who are not “Dog People,” I promise… this blog is only secondarily about dogs. These are my “buddhas.” You have your own. My Life in Dogs I have shared my life with dogs for about 50 of my 55 years...

3 Steps to (Inner) World Domination

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions Self Care

Posted: March 8, 2022

“…You can’t save time. You can only spend it. But you can spend it wisely or foolishly.” (from the Tao of Pooh, by Benjamin Hoff) That Russian Guy… and Us Ok, show of hands? How many people are contending with more anxiety now than they...

The Courage of a Sunflower

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions Self Care

Posted: March 2, 2022

“There is no power for change greater than a community discovering what it cares about.” (Margaret Wheatley) Ukraine This isn’t about politics; This is about people. In October of 1949, Wasyl and Marie Pawluczkowycz gathered up their first three children and left their homeland, Ukraine....

Skunk Lessons

By Tiffany Sankofa

Relationships Self Care

Posted: February 25, 2022

Skunk… tell me the story, So I will know it well. Of how to attract And how to repel. (Jamie Sams) R-E-S-P-E-C-T Thank you, Aretha! And thank you, skunk. Jamie Sams, author of the above poem, is the co-author of a series of animal cards...

Turning the Cube, Finding Compassion

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions Relationships Self Care

Posted: February 16, 2022

"Love and compassion are necessities, not luxuries. Without them, the human race cannot survive." (The Dalai Lama) My husband, Amari, likes to do this thing he calls, “Turning the cube.” Whether it’s a news story, something he just read in his ravenous study of history...

Lasting Change, Step 3: The Power of Patterns

By Tiffany Sankofa

Holidays Self Care

Posted: February 2, 2022

“Changes begets change as much as repetition begets repetition.” (Bill Drayton) Mini Review Ok! Look at you! You listened to all three brains and started to understand all the ways you feel about the change you want to make in Step One . Then you...

Lasting Change, Step Two: Make It Easy!

By Tiffany Sankofa

Holidays Self Care

Posted: January 27, 2022

Hard changes are made up of a gazillion small, easy decisions. As mentioned in the introduction to this blog series, we need different strategies for different parts of our movements toward lasting change. In step one , I noted that we need to listen to...

Lasting Change, Step One: Why “But I really want it!” is not enough.

By Tiffany Sankofa

Holidays Self Care

Posted: January 18, 2022

“Your body is like the quiet talker with the most important thing to say.” (Anonymous) As I mentioned in last week’s blog, making up the mind in between our ears just isn’t enough “juice” to get us to real and lasting change. I also mentioned...

4 Steps to Lasting Change: Introduction

By Tiffany Sankofa

Holidays Self Care

Posted: January 12, 2022

“The secret of change is to focus all of your energy, not on fighting the old, but on building the new.” (Socrates) But how?? Say you want to make a big change in your life. You want to lose weight, exercise more, stop smoking, step...

Stereotypes: Cleanup in Conference Room Five

By Tiffany Sankofa

Relationships Self Care

Posted: July 20, 2021

Everyone wants to be seen. Everyone wants to be heard. Everyone wants to be recognized as the person that they are and not a stereotype or an image. (Loretta Lynch) Power Many spaces in the United States continue to operate in a way that thinks...

People are Not Mushrooms

By Tiffany Sankofa

Relationships Self Care

Posted: July 13, 2021

“If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude.” (Maya Angelou) Acclimation I’ve been telling you all for some time that everything in us seeks patterns and familiarity. Sometimes we get so used to certain patterns (habits) that they...

When the Whole World Has PTSD

By Tiffany Sankofa

Relationships Self Care Trauma Recovery

Posted: July 2, 2021

“Even in times of trauma, we try to maintain a sense of normality until we no longer can. That, my friends, is called surviving. Not healing. We never become whole again - we are survivors. If you are here today, you are a survivor. But...

A View From the Other Side of the Couch: Coupledom, Interdependence and Risk

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions Relationships Self Care

Posted: June 18, 2021

“I define vulnerability as uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure... Loving someone leaves us emotionally exposed. Yes, it's scary, and yes, we're open to being hurt, but can you imagine your life without loving or being loved?” (Brené Brown) A-Ha! I've been talking a lot about...

When Glass Slippers Crack

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions Relationships Self Care

Posted: June 10, 2021

Where the ant sees a tree, the giraffe (barely) sees a twig. Cinder Ella Grace, and Family Cinder Ella Grace is a 16-year-old whose mother passed away when she was born. Her father, Ferdinand Grace, married the Widow Rocks when Cinder was 12 bringing her...

Wibbly Wobbly Cicadas

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions Self Care

Posted: June 8, 2021

“Is not the whole world an illusion? And yet it fools everybody.” (Angela Carter) Who?? My mother was a big Dr. Who fan. My daughter is also a Whovian. Me? Not so much. However, having spent so much time surrounded by Whovians and Who references,...

Reading each other’s newspapers

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions Relationships Self Care

Posted: June 1, 2021

"The court of human relationships does not pivot on justice; it pivots on connection." Politics are like gravity I have a lot of political opinions. It was a bit unavoidable. I grew up in and around DC, where the federal government is simultaneously everywhere, and...

Ruff Stuff

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions Relationships Self Care

Posted: May 27, 2021

“Security is mostly superstition.” (Helen Keller) Gone to the dogs, totally Last week we talked about not channeling our inner Zenifred. (You can catch up here .) Today I’ll pick on Andante. …Oh, don’t you start too! I tried to say something about Dante’s post-surgery...

Channeling your inner… Zenifred?

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions Relationships Self Care

Posted: May 18, 2021

“Inner stillness is the key to outer strength.” (Jared Brock) Many people reading this blog have had the pleasure of my assistant, Dr. Dante D. Dawg’s company. He is a gentle, quiet soul. He was never formally trained as a therapy dog. He seemed to...

The Alchemy of Silence

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions Relationships Self Care

Posted: May 10, 2021

“The notes I handle no better than many pianists. But the pauses between the notes - ah, that is where the art resides.” (Artur Schnabel) I wrote about the Alchemy of Words the other week. Today, I’d like to talk about the Alchemy of Silence....

Tightly Wound: When it all goes SPROING

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions Self Care

Posted: April 26, 2021

Music does not exist without tension. However, too much tension quickly deteriorates into chaos. (Anonymous) >Someone< very near to this computer right now, **** might **** have recently learned that it is possible to destroy a guitar string by over winding it >coughcoughcoughmeculpacoughcoughcough.< That person...

Linguistic Alchemy: No magic wands required

By Tiffany Sankofa

Blog Managing Emotions Self Care

Posted: April 12, 2021

Al·che·my / ˈ alk ə mē/ noun 1. The medieval forerunner of chemistry, based on the supposed transformation of matter. It was concerned particularly with attempts to convert base metals into gold or to find a universal elixir. Similar: Chemistry , magic , sorcery ,...

Option WHY: The Charles Defense

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions Relationships Self Care

Posted: April 5, 2021

“’No,’ is a compete sentence.” (Anne LaMott) If nothing else, the past 13 or 14 months has taught us the power of thinking outside of the box and challenging what has “always” been expected of us. My Stepfather, Charles, taught me something amazing about this...

Normal?

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions Self Care Trauma Recovery

Posted: March 30, 2021

“Normal is just a setting on your dryer.” Erma Bombeck What is this…. Normal? I hear a lot of talk about “going back to normal.” People are getting vaccinated, some things are opening up, (many prematurely, as evidence by the consequent numbers, but ok,) schools...

What’s Your Butter Worth?

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions Relationships Self Care Trauma Recovery

Posted: March 16, 2021

“None are so empty as those who are full of themselves.” (Benjamin Whichcoat) The butter battle Imagine that you go to the grocery store. On the shelf, you see two packages of butter. The package on the left is in pristine condition, shiny and bright....

A View From the Other Side of the Couch: Pay Attention to the Pink Flags Too

By Tiffany Sankofa

Posted: March 9, 2021

“The intuitive mind is a sacred gift and the rational mind is a faithful servant. We have created society that honors the servant and has forgotten the gift.” (Albert Einstein) No Therapist, you may NOT have a life. I met Tiffany Sankofa seven years ago...

Reimagining the Gray

By Tiffany Sankofa

Posted: February 25, 2021

“Gray is the queen of colors because she makes everyone else look good.” Helen vanWyk The Bone Moon In the Cherokee understanding of the world, we are currently under Nv-da Ko-la; the Bone Moon. This is a gray time when food can be so scarce...

What I learned in Therapy: Good Enough

By Tiffany Sankofa

Posted: February 23, 2021

"When I won the Oscar, I thought it was a fluke. I thought everybody would find out, and they’d take it back. They’d come to my house, knocking on the door, 'Excuse me, we meant to give that… to Meryl Streep.'” (Jodie Foster) Goody Two...

Belonging

By Tiffany Sankofa

Blog Holidays Managing Emotions Relationships Self Care

Posted: February 9, 2021

Sometimes we get so used to words that we look right through them. Have you ever really thought about the word, “’belonging?” We long to be. Just, to be; To be who we are, and still find ourselves connected to others. Isn’t that the dream? Belonging. Are you longing to be? To be seen? To be valued? To be joined? To be embraced? Some people are longing to be left alone, feeling crowded out by people who are nearby, but not safe-enough people to just “be” with. Our places of belonging hold up a mirror to show us who we are, what gifts we bring, and how we fit into something bigger than ourselves. Belonging shapes our sense of purpose and our sense of identity.

Chaos... or maybe not.

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions Self Care

Posted: February 4, 2021

"Chaos does not mean total disorder. Chaos means a multiplicity of possibilities. Chaos is from the ancient Greek words that means a thing that is birthed from the void. And it was about that which is possible, not about disorder." (Jok Church) Therapist/Blogger M.I.A. Those...

What I learned in therapy: Owning my spirituality in 2021

By Tiffany Sankofa

Self Care Trauma Recovery

Posted: January 27, 2021

“Purposefulness is one of our most potent antidepressants.” (Tiffany Sankofa) When you think you’re walking in one direction, and then… Retirement was a year away. I started seeing Tiffany to help me transition to what I called a “life-giving retirement.” To tell the truth, I...

The Fear Factor: Finding stability when it all goes shaky

By Tiffany Sankofa

Holidays Managing Emotions Relationships Self Care

Posted: January 11, 2021

Although the world is full of pain, it is also full of overcoming it. (Helen Keller) And then… So this has been a fun week… Regardless of where one’s politics land, the Capitol building being breached, two people killed and four others dead is just...

2020 Vision: A gift wrapped in barbed wire

By Tiffany Sankofa

Grief Holidays Managing Emotions Self Care Trauma Recovery

Posted: December 30, 2020

“Grief always comes bearing gifts. Unfortunately, they are sometimes wrapped in barbed wire.” Seeing clearly Welp… To be fair, I really did believe that 2020 was going to be a year of focus and clarity. I wasn’t wrong. I really wish it had been delivered...

Pieces of Peace (When it all falls to pieces)

By Tiffany Sankofa

Grief Holidays Managing Emotions Self Care Trauma Recovery

Posted: December 21, 2020

“You find peace, not by rearranging the circumstances of your life, but by realizing who you are at the deepest level.” (Eckhart Tolle) There’s that internal locus of control again Well thank you, Eckhart Tolle. Frankly, there are an awful lot of circumstances of our...

Linus’ Blanket: The key to lasting change

By Tiffany Sankofa

Holidays Managing Emotions Self Care

Posted: December 11, 2020

“Before you heal someone, ask him if he’s willing to give up what made him sick.” (Hippcrates) Holiday challenges and New Year’s resolutions Given that most of us are now officially in one iteration or another of “the holiday season,” I thought it might be...

Toes in the creek: “Willowing up” in a climate of constant change

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions Relationships Self Care

Posted: December 2, 2020

“If there is magic on this planet, it is contained in water.” (Loren Eiseley) Maryland I grew up in semi-urban neighborhoods inside the DC Beltway. One of the things that I appreciate most about Maryland is that nearly anywhere you go, even in urban spaces,...

Connection is the Cure

By Tiffany Sankofa

Blog Managing Emotions Relationships Self Care

Posted: November 30, 2020

“Humankind has not woven the web of life. We are but one thread within it. Whatever we do to the web, we do to ourselves. All things are bound together. All things connect.” (Chief Seattle, 1854) COVID marathon number six… I don’t know about you...

Ask v. Guess: Managing expectations (especially around the holidays!)

By Tiffany Sankofa

Holidays Managing Emotions Relationships Self Care

Posted: November 24, 2020

“People can’t hear what you don’t say. Thinking isn’t communicating.” ( Frank Sonnenberg) Asking and guessing My 23-year-old daughter explained the concept of “Ask v. Guess Culture” to me the other day. Apparently it’s been “a thing” for a while, but I missed it. The...

What I learned in Therapy: Compatible terms for relationship

By Tiffany Sankofa

Relationships Self Care

Posted: November 23, 2020

“It is necessary, and even vital, to set standards for your life and the people you allow in it.” (Mandy Hale) Jockeying for space I have three older brothers, one of whom I am close to, one of whom I always wanted to be close...

Who Do You Think We Are?

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions Self Care

Posted: November 10, 2020

“When we don’t know who we are, we act like someone else” (Tiffany Sankofa) Yes, I am STILL on that… If you’ve worked with me or read my blogs, you know that this is a frequent and repeated theme for me. I want to revisit...

No Matter What

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions Self Care Trauma Recovery

Posted: November 2, 2020

“Have a great day… No matter what.” Why suffer? I have been known to close texts and email exchanges with, “Have a great day… no matter what.” It seems that many people think I’m trying to be cute. I’m actually supporting a much, much more...

Weary

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions Self Care Trauma Recovery

Posted: October 27, 2020

“Sleep doesn’t help if it’s your soul that’s tired.” (Arabian Proverb) PUT YOUR MASK ON I’m watching people slip. When the pandemic “shelter in place” first began where I live in Maryland, most people were very compliant. We stayed home. We ordered our groceries and...

The Table is Round: Lessons from “Mamala”

By Tiffany Sankofa

Self Care Trauma Recovery

Posted: October 20, 2020

"In the future, there will be no female leaders. There will just be leaders." - Sheryl Sandberg The Psychology… not the Politics Fair warning: This blog is about the other week’s Vice-Presidential debate, but it’s not about election politics. I thought you should know that...

Tree-Inspired Problem Solving

By Tiffany Sankofa

Posted: October 6, 2020

“Trees have long thoughts, long-breathing and restful, just as they have longer lives than ours. They are wiser than we are, as long as we do not listen to them. But when we have learned how to listen to trees, then the brevity and the...

XYZ, and this is not okay with me

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions Relationships Self Care

Posted: September 30, 2020

“I think... we have to really accept that anger is a normal human emotion that can be a positive force for change.” (Koren Zailckas) As many of you know, I’ve been taking a fiercely candid look at anger and rage for the past couple of...

6s and 9s

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions Self Care Trauma Recovery

Posted: September 25, 2020

[caption id="attachment_6052" align="alignnone" width="618"] (Illustration by Jazmyne Craig and Tiffany Sankofa) [/caption] “I accept chaos. I’m not sure chaos accepts me.” (Bob Dylan) What month is it? I’m going to share an embarrassing story with you. It’s only fair – people share their embarrassing stories...

Why Settle for Happy

By Tiffany Sankofa

Grief Managing Emotions Self Care

Posted: September 21, 2020

"Happiness is not a goal; It’s a biproduct." (Eleanor Roosevelt) Why settle for just happy? I have a number of clients who are either naturally positive people, or who have worked hard to become so. It’s important to them to “look on the bright side,”...

You Can't Hurry Hate. (...What?)

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions Self Care

Posted: August 10, 2020

”It has been said that time heals all wounds. The truth is that time does not heal anything. It merely passes. It is what we do during the passing of time that helps or hinders the healing process.” (Jay Marshall) Looking back and looking forward…...

Reaching for the Shiny

By Tiffany Sankofa

Posted: July 20, 2020

“It is not needful for our dreams to be very grand nor very big. It is only needful for our dreams to be very shiny." (C. JoyBell C.) Reaching for the Shiny I’m finding more and more that we COVID-weary and Social Justice struggle-weary folk...

Moving Forward (When You're Stuck Behind a Truck)

By Tiffany Sankofa

Posted: June 18, 2020

Moving Forward (When You’re Stuck Behind a Truck) ... I did the best I could with what was in front of me and kept moving forward. The Universe has hilarious timing… In 1990, I earned a B.A. in Broadcasting Arts. I never worked in Broadcasting....

Hope is Essential, (especially when it’s hard to find.)

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions Self Care

Posted: June 1, 2020

“Hope begins in the dark.” (Anne Lamott) The eyes of a child… Children have a tendency to be more hopeful than adults as a general rule. Even, (and sometimes especially,) traumatized children can find and cling to what’s good, even when things are so very...

Anger v. Rage: How to Use Both Well

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions Relationships Self Care

Posted: May 29, 2020

“Anger tells us something needs to change; Rage tells us something needs to heal.” ~ Tiffany Sankofa Afraid of Anger? Are you afraid of anger? I have to say, most people that walk into my counseling office are. You are not alone. However, you are...

Forget about the virus! This are LIFEskills! The Stoplight Technique

By Tiffany Sankofa

Relationships Self Care

Posted: May 26, 2020

Forget about the virus! This is LIFE! The Stoplight Technique Those people in our lives who can respect our boundaries will love our wills, our opinions, our separateness. Those who can't respect our boundaries are telling us that they don't love our no’s. They only...

Surviving in Captivity, Part 4: Emotional Loading and The Power of the 4 Answers

By Tiffany Sankofa

Relationships Self Care

Posted: April 28, 2020

“Listen with curiosity. Speak with honesty. Act with integrity. The greatest problem with communication is we don’t listen to understand. We listen to reply. When we listen with curiosity, we don’t listen with the intent to reply. We listen for what’s behind the words.” (Roy...

Surviving in Captivity, Part 3: Expectations: The What and the How, and the XYZ Formula

By Tiffany Sankofa

Relationships Self Care

Posted: April 21, 2020

“Expectations are resentments waiting to happen.” (Anne LaMott) But I thought… You are holed up with your family following all of the COVID containment instructions and trying to make the best of it. For a while, things seem to be going ok. You’re finding a...

Surviving in Captivity: Fact Checking, Assumptions and “You and Me Against the Problem”

By Tiffany Sankofa

Relationships Self Care

Posted: April 6, 2020

“Between what is said and not meant, and what is meant and not said, most of love is lost.” Khalil Gibran “Words are the source of misunderstandings.” Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, The Little Prince The crucible of captivity In these days where we are together with...

Don't panic.

By Tiffany Sankofa

Managing Emotions Self Care

Posted: March 13, 2020

Easier said than done, I know. However, we DO have the power to manage challenging situations well. First, calm your body and come out of Sympathetic Nervous System dominance so that you have access to your creativity and wisdom. (How? Go to www.TiffanySankofa.com/anxiety and I'll...

Reframing Goal Success at New Years and Beyond!

By Tiffany Sankofa

Holidays Self Care

Posted: January 2, 2020

We here in the United States have an unhealthy obsession with final results. Just think about most New Year's Resolutions: Stay on my diet and lose (XYZ number of) pounds Make more money than last year. Get married Meditate at least 4 days a week....

Lessons from Dr. King

By Tiffany Sankofa

Holidays Self Care

Posted: January 21, 2019

"We must accept finite disappointment, but we must never lose infinite hope. " (The Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.) It is so easy to lose hope, especially when the pressures in our lives seem to be chronic and endless. I encourage you to find...

"When chaos surrounds us, peace becomes an act of rebellion."

By Tiffany Sankofa

Posted: January 11, 2019

I've decided that my word for 2019 is " peace ." Except in very limited doses, I am unable to exact peace in our outer world. Factions around the globe have intentionally leveraged fear and an illusion of scarcity to pit people against one another...

Motivation: Set Yourself Up For Success

By Tiffany Sankofa

Holidays Self Care

Posted: December 24, 2018

As we walk into that time of year when people take stock of their lives and make their plans for the coming year, we would be wise to consider what does and does not work in achieving our goals. Those of you who have worked...

The Commodity is You

By Tiffany Sankofa

Posted: November 26, 2018

I read a book many years ago titled The Millionaire Mind . In it, Thomas J. Stanley explores the common threads between self-made millionaires in the United States. Interestingly, just about all of the people Stanley interviewed had started a number of businesses. When one...

Belonging

By Tiffany Sankofa

Holidays Self Care

Posted: November 21, 2018

Belonging is an essential human need. Euro-centric culture tends to value individualism over the collective. That creates structures and communities that lack cohesion and people who feel isolated and many times do not have what they need to thrive. We need to belong. We need...

The Ripple Effect (You just never know)

By Tiffany Sankofa

Posted: November 2, 2018

Have you ever wondered if you are making impact on the world around you? Sometimes it can feel like we are doing our very best to be faithful to what we know we need to do in the world, but we don’t see the results....

Finding Your Resilience

By Tiffany Sankofa

Posted: October 9, 2018

A new family moved into the apartment above us. I haven’t met her yet, but among the occupants is a delightful little toddler girl. I’ve heard her padding above, exploring their balcony, which sits directly above our patio. Our patio looks out onto the park...

Finding Your Pando

By Tiffany Sankofa

Self Care Trauma Recovery

Posted: October 8, 2018

There is a colony of 47,000 Quaking Aspen trees located in Fishlake National Forest, in Utah that have been gauged to be around 80,000 years old. 80 ---- > THOUSAND years! (See https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pando_(tree ) for more information and pictures. It's beautiful!) These trees have been...

Simple, Everyday Strategies for Anyone Looking to Boost Their Overall Health

By Tiffany Sankofa

Posted: October 4, 2018

For most people, improving their head-to-toe health doesn’t have to involve massive life changes. Sure, there are exceptions to this, but the majority of people can be served by employing some small, simple, health-boosting strategies in their everyday life. Here are some things you can...

Self Care: The Key To Better Mental Health

By Tiffany Sankofa

Posted: July 9, 2018

Let’s start with the numbers . One in every six Americans is dealing with mental illness. Women are more likely to be affected than men. In any group of 100 women, 21 of them are fighting for their mental health. But the stigma we place...

One Time at a Time

By Tiffany Sankofa

Posted: August 23, 2017

It's so easy for the clutter of our lives and our ambitions to create chaos and stress. We want to do and accomplish and change the world for good, but it just never seems like there's enough time for it all. I wanted to share...

Procrastination: I Meant to Write This Blog Sooner But…

By Tiffany Sankofa

Posted: February 2, 2016

People come into my office all the time feeling guilty about procrastinating on important goals. “I’m just lazy,” they say. Let me just put this out there on the table: THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS LAZINESS. Labeling ourselves as “lazy” is a shame-based trap...

Ditch your Resolutions…and Succeed

By Tiffany Sankofa

Posted: January 6, 2016

Have you given up on your New Year’s Resolutions yet? (Doesn’t that sound horribly pessimistic?) The raw reality is that New Year’s Resolutions set us up for failure, not success. New Year’s resolutions imagine that we are actually ready for the change we want, and...

What Are You Worth?

By Tiffany Sankofa

Posted: October 24, 2015

What are you worth? How do you estimate that? Most people that I encounter believe, (in theory,) that human beings are priceless. However, when it comes to self-assessment, those same people will try to gauge their worth in terms of what they produce, how much...